Postpartum Journey

 During the first two weeks of my baby's life, she was very yellow. She was diagnosed with jaundice because her bilirubin levels were high. What did that mean? It meant that her body was unable to properly break down the bilirubin. Numerous blood test was conducted and the levels kept getting higher and higher. At the time of discharge, it was almost to the point we needed to do phototherapy on her. Each time the doctor came back to let me know of the test results, I got more and more upset that the jaundice was getting worse. I was asking myself, why. Why did this happen? What am I doing wrong? Why is the bilirubin level not going down? Eventually, two days after being discharged from the hospital, I took my baby back to the hospital. We took her to the ER after his sister noticed something seemed off about my baby. After we did some more test, it was determined that my baby was just very sleepy and that jaundice wasn't the issue. We finally met and spoke with the pediatrician...

 Hello everyone. My baby turned a month old about a week ago from this post. I know, I am a little behind.  The first month was the biggest struggle. I was struggling with my new role as a (first-time) mother, and with my postpartum anxiety/depression. As with any first-time mother/parents, I did not have any idea what I was doing and whether I was doing anything right. I, like all, relied on people who were experienced. The baby was crying, and I didn't know why. I was nervous in handling my daughter as I have never handled a newborn before. Each time she cried, I cried because I 1. didn't know what to do, 2. didn't understand why, and 3. I was afraid of that I wasn't doing something right. I felt like I was a bad parent because my daughter was crying, and I couldn't get her to stop crying. I felt like a failure.  My postpartum anxiety/depression was through the roof. I was very emotional and felt alone even though I wasn't. I was having meltdowns after meltdow...

 Hello world. Welcome to another one of my blogs documenting my postpartum journey. Although, I think this might be more of me venting and ranting like all my other blogs.  So here's the backstory: My daughter was born back in May. She was born via C-section after a failed and complicated vaginal delivery. I was induced and was in labor for about 10 hours. After delivery, she spent her first night in the NICU due to some complications during birth. Before the C-section, I struggled to push her out vaginally as she was stuck in the pelvis and we decided to do a vacuum assist vaginal delivery. It was not the best choice, but we were determined to avoid a c-section at all costs. Because of it, she had some minor injuries to her head, and we decided that she needed to be closely monitored by nurses and doctors in the NICU. My daughter also had lost some blood during the delivery due to the umbilical cord clamp falling off during the transport to the warmer from the operating table...